The Rules to Make Sex Rule

I remember it was about a week before my first day of high school. Dad and I were driving to the video rental place to rent a VHS (oh those were the days). It was on the way in the car that Dad wanted to give me the “talk.” What is this “talk” you may ask? We have all experienced it. It’s the dreaded conversation about hormones, changing bodies, sexual exploration and the like, that no awkward 13 year-old wants to discuss with their parents who “don’t understand them.” I did everything I could, minus jumping out of a moving vehicle, to get away from this conversation. I blasted Dad’s favorite station, National Public Radio and pretended to rock out; I changed the subject and rolled down the window to scream for help. With force from a stern voice I stopped my shenanigans and as he continued talking about my “needs,” I covered my ears, closed my eyes and started singing “I can’t hear you! LA LA LA!” He gave up. Muahaha— I won.

Looking back, I’m sure my father had some important information to advise to me, but being an immature teen I didn’t take in any of his considerations for my well being. Thankfully, I was intelligent enough to make good choices in vulnerable situations. Sadly, other people aren’t so lucky. In fact, due to the taboo on conversations about sex, I find that many are incredibly unknowledgeable from never talking about it. Most of my information comes from gossiping with friends and asking my more experienced peers questions. I say it’s time to stop all the whispering and someone should pull back the curtain and talk about sex!

Well that time has arrived. Maria Falzone will be coming to JMU and putting on a program called Sex Rules. Falzone, the #1 comedy show on the college circuit in the U.S., teaches about sex safety, self-respect, and how to make doing “it” better than ever! She will be shedding light on a less talked about subject, a subject that everyone should really learn more about. So come on out and learn the sex rules to make sex rule!

– Natalie

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The Evolution of Dating

It’s a timeless tale. Man and woman meet, become enamored with one another, and decide to spend the rest of their lives together. The details; however, have varied greatly over time. With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, here’s the progression of love through human history:

Prehistoric Dating

Approach: The lonely male gathers his courage, hobbles over to the closest single female, and impresses her with the different range of his grunts.

First Date: He shows off his skill with a spear while she dolls herself up and dons her favorite animal fur.

It’s Getting Serious When… He goes hunting for her. Girls, nothing says true love like when he brings you back that Wooly Mammoth tusk.

Proposal: He shows her their new cave that all the neighbors are going to be jealous of.

Medieval Dating

Approach: Pray that your parents made alliances with attractive lords and ladies, because you’ve already been betrothed before you can say your first “thy”

First Date: While she sits there in silence, he’ll write her epic poetry that will be read and misunderstood for centuries to come.

It’s Getting Serious When….. The male fights in her honor and puts her handkerchief on his lance in the joust.

Proposal: He polishes that suit of armor, gets all the trumpeters to blast “Greensleeves,” and creates their own fairy tale.

Victorian Dating

Approach: The gentleman follows all the rules of courtship, and then begins calling on the lucky gal.

First Date: He busts out all the stops with a carriage ride through the country… with the proper chaperones of course.

It’s Getting Serious When….. She lets him see some sock, and if he’s really lucky maybe a knee or two. You know, the kind of scandals that keep the gossipers happy.

Proposal: The young lovers risk losing their “sexy” pale skin and he asks the question in front of their cottage.

1950-60’s Dating

Approach: Ever seen Grease? It’s nothing like that.

First Date: Poodle skirts meet athletic jackets at the diners. He tries to impress her with his rebellious musical preference for Elvis and Motown.

It’s Getting Serious When….. They “park” the T-Bird at the local drive-in movie.

Proposal: After asking the parent’s permission, the teens get down on one knee and start building their life in the suburbs together.

Modern Dating

Approach: Those that aren’t great with pick up lines rejoice – you can now put on a confident witty persona via the internet. Just practice the line “Girl, can I get yo’ screen name?”

First Date: Dinner’s a little too much of a time commitment. The most complicated conversation of the evening is placing the coffee orders at the nearest Starbucks.

It’s Getting Serious When….. Your relationship starts to resemble one of the cliches in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You.

Proposal: Females are tired of the old fashioned stuff. Guys get creative – notes in the sand, sky writing, something involving puppies and dolphins, etc.

I’m going to have to say that my ideal time would have been the Prehistoric era. No mind games or power struggles, just simply two singles sharing some time in a cave. I’m hoping this cycle somehow comes full circle in my lifetime… but if not I guess that I can learn some tricks of the trade at Sex Rules this Friday.

– Stephen

The 60/40 Ratio At Its Finest

Next source of stress and anxiety: Valentine’s Day. Ladies, relax, he’ll ask you. Fellas, the pressure is on. You may have someone in mind, but you don’t know exactly where to go from there.

Well, aren’t you in luck?! Here we have some pointers on unique things to do around JMU’s beautiful campus. Day or night, we have scoped out some of the finest spots that suffice as date-material without emptying your pockets.

When the sun goes down…

    First up is a classic: some chow. Downtown is a great place to go, filled with Harrisonburg gems such as Dave’s, Clementine’s, and Ham’s. Now I know it’s no D-Hall but it should do the trick. These places all have great atmosphere and are reasonably priced!
    Come to campus and hit up Grafton to see what movies are playing! After dinner, you’ll probably have time to catch a 9pm showing. Only $2.50! $3 total if you want popcorn! Who says you have to spend big bucks on a date?

Some daytime digs…

    Take a trip to the Dayton Farmer’s Market. Make a meal together! This is a great stop for picking up locally grown food. Not only can you cook, you’re concerned about the environment and sustainability as well! There are also local vendors selling unique gift items, toys, and jewelry!

    JMU has its very own beautoretum, the Arb. Saturday afternoons in the Arb aren’t as cheesy as they sound. If it’s sunny one day, go for it! They have two little parking lots so you can drive yourself, your date, and a picnic basket over to nature’s best and use the picnic tables by the pond. Weeping Willow and waterfall included!
    After that walk in the Arb, you can head to Greenberries. They have a great selection and comfy chairs where you can sit and chat. When it gets a little warmer, they even have outdoor seating! This is a fantastic way to spend the late afternoon hours warming up and calming down, and your date is sure to love it!

Now that you have a reservoir of great date spots in the Burg, day and night, get out there and find your date! You’ve still got some time for Valentine’s Day, where UPB is providing the knock-out punch: Sex Rules is taking place on Friday, February 12th at 8pm in Memorial Auditorium. See you ladies and gents there!

– Amy