How To Win Assassins

From the moment I first heard that UPB was going to have its own game of assassins, I was determined to win.  I had played in high school, (and won) so I was pretty confident I could pull it off again (I did)…  Over the course of the six weeks, I “killed” at least 9 fellow members of UPB, and even our coordinator Carrie Martin.  I am the ultimate assassin.
So for future assassins players, I give you these tips…

1. Trust no one
Really, don’t trust anyone at all.  Especially your target’s roommates.  One of my target’s roommates conned me into brining her Ben & Jerry’s in exchange for letting me into her room to kill her.  It didn’t work.

2. Facebook is your friend, if you’re smart
Statuses such as “Out on the Quad!!” seem innocent to most, but to a determined assassin, this is like handing your life over to them.  Think before you post.

3.  If someone attempts to kill you in public, make a scene
Fall to the ground, shout out loud, yell! These all work very well.

4. Dukes is a danger zone
I killed at least 4 people who were in or near Dukes.  Watch out.

Remember these things, watch your back, and maybe someday you can be the ultimate assassin.  But know, if I’m in the game you will lose.

~Jeff McCallister, Center Stage Committee & 2011 UPB Assassin Winner